Why is that intrinsic motivation is so difficult for me to discover? With the start of senior year, I've already been more stressed than I have been during finals of any other of the past years. I know that it's this time when intrinsic motivation is a crucial tool to have. Even though I've always been quite lazy, I've somehow managed to actually get things done. Looking back, I can't think of what it was that pushed me.
Bribes work. Bribes in the sense of getting a new phone if you get high grades. But that doesn't always work for me. I've spent so much time trying to find the passion that is supposed to drive me. My motivation has evolved, but not enough to the point to where I have the perfect version.
However, I think I've found what pushes me. I don't want to be a failure in any sense. In the end, I am self-centered. Failing myself is the worst thing I could possibly do. I don't want to fail. I've set a certain standard for myself. I've set the bar high and failure to reach it is complete disappointment. Even though I don't know what I want to do in college or what I want to study, I've always believed that I would succeed. Failure is not going to be my ending result.
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I understand what you mean, who wants to fail? But sometimes in the end failure is better than success. We learn more through failure than we do through success and it’s learning how to fail that leads to success. Learning how to take your failures and build from them is quintessential in any aspect of life. Many “failures” have eventually resulted in success, there’s list of people who failed at one thing and still went on to do extraordinary things in life. Ultimately you can’t let you fear of failure prevent you from giving something your all, because doing so ensures failure. To paraphrase the words of Ursula K. Le Guin in the end it’s more so about the journey itself, which includes the failures, than it ever was about the destination. It should be more about your path to your goal than the actual goal itself.
ReplyDeleteI think your identification of failure as your primary motivator explains the stress. Especially now that you are a senior. You're recognizing that the decisions that you make and the things that you do have lasting consequence. But it makes me wonder about some things, so I'll ask you some questions to see if I'm right.
ReplyDeleteHow does the fear of failure as your primary motivator affect your behavior?
How does failure motivating you make you feel?
I wonder how much stress interferes with intrinsic motivation? Deal with the stress first?
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