Evolving motivation

In Drive, Pink makes the argument that motivation has evolved alongside the course of human evolution. I can't say I completely agree with Pink on this matter, but I can say that my own motivation has evolved.

When I was younger, school was everything to me. I didn't know anything else. I was, and still am in some ways, more reserved that the others around me. This was even more so when I was in elementary school. Of course, my parents emphasized on how I should always do well in school. Grades were all I thought about. Even thinking of how obsessed I was with trying to impress my parents makes me uneasy. I wasn't doing well in school for myself; I was doing it for my parents. My motivation was horribly extrinsic.

As I grew, my motivation evolved. I didn't exactly want to be the best, I just wanted to beat everyone else. Maybe I was just jealous when someone else would do better than I did. But that also changed. I realized that wasn't the way I should be looking at school or anything. So once I found genuinely caring friends, I began to work for them. Not because they made me or pressure me, but because I wanted to. Everyone should have someone or something to be proud of. I wanted to give them someone to be proud of. I worked for self-growth and, in turn, I also became someone to be proud of.

As my motivation evolved even further, I tried my best to emulate the one I looked up to. Not only in grades, but also in attitude. Confidence another thing I have always lack, and by surrounding myself with people who were confident I felt as if I was growing more confident. It's a constant struggle for me to stay motivated for anything. As soon as I "upgrade" my motivation, it soon becomes out-dated. But one thing that keeps me going, even if it's at a slow pace, are the people I look up to. Just being able to see that someone else is motivated rekindles hope within me.

This is what I'm lacking. Now that I'm the senior, I have to be my own motivation. I have to stop relying on the people I look up to, because someone might be looking to me for motivation.