A Self Realization

When I was finally done reading Daniel H. Pink’s Drive I realized something about my past. Something that I had only vaguely given thought to before. For well about over a year I had no intrinsic motivation in my life, and it showed. I spent my days irritated, anxious, and exhausted. I didn’t even realize it at the time. I was just getting through the day; I had nothing to devote my time to, nothing to focus myself on, to devote myself or strive to. My grades fell to a level that was uncharacteristic for me, and all the while I thought that I had just been getting lazy. It never occurred to me that I (desperately) needed something else in my life, and it probably still wouldn’t have occurred to me had it not been for Pink’s book.

So all this being said something changed, I finally found that intrinsic motivation. What was it? It was the guitar. The guitar gave me something to focus on, to devote myself to, and to strive for, everything that I lacked then. My behavior improved which was followed by an increase in my grades, and it wasn’t that I was trying any harder it was just that I finally had something for myself. I found myself practicing with every spare moment I had, I would even show up late to class because I spend the minutes between class playing for a few minutes, and my roommates had definitely gotten annoyed by my constant “noise making” at night. It was Pink’s book that helped me to see the intrinsic motivation within myself, and because of this book I know realize that intrinsic motivation isn’t just a bunch of rhetoric because I’ve lived without it, and I can easily say that living without something to devote yourself to life is boring indeed.

Drive messed up my thought cycle!

So ever since I finished reading our senior seminar book Drive by Daniel Pink I have been over thinking many of my ideas for my senior project. I think up great ideas that I believe I am intrinsically motivated to do but then I question if I I really am intrinsically motivated to do carry out such project or if I am simply being extrinsically motivated by other factors. The factors making me believe this include trying to impress people, showing off, shutting some people up, or wanting some recognition and praise. Every project I find myself finding one of those things and I get disapointed because I realize, I don't want to to this for me, but for him, her, them, others. I don't understand why it all leads to that. Before reading Drive I would've believed completely that I was doing it for me but certain parts of the book caught me by surprise and installed this sense of checking to see if my actions are truly for myself.

The ideas I have however are of concepts that I love so I find myself wanting to do them but then I feel that those extrinsic factors might come into play later on in my project and crush my creativity or lower my performance, which are two of "the seven deadly flaws" of extrinsic motivators and Motivation 2.0. Part of me is telling me that it is ok to go with my idea because my intrinsic motivation is much larger than the extrinsic one so perhaps as my project advances intrinsic will rule out extrinsic. In a way I am a bit mad at Daniel Pink for interupting my minds thought cycle. I would have had a set idea a long time ago instead of thinking I have one but then wanting to change it or being confused about it. I wouldn't be thinking about all this extrinsic motivation stuff if it wasn't for him. However, I know he was just putting the truth out there, or some of it since I don't agree with many of his ideas. Even with the knowledge of extrinsic motivation I think I will choose the idea that I believe is at least eighty percent intrinsic and the most twenty percent extrinsic and hope the intrinsic shuts the latter down because I don't believe me or anyone can have an idea that is completely one hundred percent based on intrinsic motivation at first.